I'm not okay

How can I feel so alone and broken when the man that I love... the man that I married... lays with his arm around me, sleeping so peacefully? Why does it hurt so damn much when he wants to spend our time together on the weekends not with me? Is it because I've gained so much weight and am so unhappy with who I see in the mirror? Is it abandonment issues? Daddy issues? Am I really as disgusting and worthless as the thoughts in my head tell me that I am? Am I too selfish or needy? Does he ever regret marrying me? If I lose the weight, will I be better? Or will I just be thinner? Do I deserve to be a mother one day? What is wrong with me?