I'm not okay

How can I feel so alone and broken when the man that I love... the man that I married... lays with his arm around me, sleeping so peacefully? Why does it hurt so damn much when he wants to spend our time together on the weekends not with me? Is it because I've gained so much weight and am so unhappy with who I see in the mirror? Is it abandonment issues? Daddy issues? Am I really as disgusting and worthless as the thoughts in my head tell me that I am? Am I too selfish or needy? Does he ever regret marrying me? If I lose the weight, will I be better? Or will I just be thinner? Do I deserve to be a mother one day? What is wrong with me?

No more

When people stop being people and start acting like they are puppet masters and can control you with some strings, that's when I take the scissors and cut us both free. Don't tell me that's how the game is played, you do as your told and you obey or this happens and your whole life gets delayed. Take a simple problem and turn it into this huge tragedy. It was never this bad, now people are getting mad and you sit up on your throne, controlling each and every move, well honey you are going to lose. Because in the end we will be the winners and you will no longer be our puppeteers.